Bruce Springsteen Forum

BEHIND THE SCENES: BRUCE GOES BTX

By Rich Kortz

THE SCENE: Rumson, NJ. Mid-September. 12:35 AM. Bruce goes online.
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Bruce (sitting up in bed, and tapping the keys on his laptop): click... click... click... tap... tap... click...

Patti (rolling over): Can't sleep tonight, baby?

Bruce: Naw... naw...

Patti: Whatcha doin' on there, anyway?

Bruce: Was just, like... lookin' at this thing Jonny hooked me up with... this fan thing... Backstreets.

Patti: That magazine?

Bruce: Naw... naw... well, yeah... yeah... this online thing they do... where all the fans write in n'stuff. Jonny told me ta check it out... see what they're all sayin' about the record after that damn leak.

Patti: Yeah? Anything good?

Bruce: Just loggin' in now... hang tight.... let's see.... enter password...... R E N O M A N

Patti: Reno Man??

Bruce (chuckling): Ya like that? Ya like that? Jonny told me ta just, like, pick someone at random from outta the songs, like the fans all do.

Patti: But why would you pick the guy from "Reno," baby?

Bruce (chuckling): Causa that time in Reno when I..... uhhh.... causa.... causa....

Patti: Because of WHAT?

Bruce: Uhhhhhh...

Patti (rolling over): You're SICK.

Bruce: Hey! Okaaaay.... I'm in.... I'm in.... now.... let's see what these jokers're jawin' about.

* Bruce reads in silence *

Bruce: Damn leak... that's gonna hurt sales. Still can't believe it. My own damn son.

Patti: I told you not to give him those mp3s for his Ipod. You know he's been mad at you.

Bruce: Look... I told that kid... he ain't joinin' the damn band. No how... no way.

Patti: Poor Ev. He was crushed. He really thought you'd let him sometime.

Bruce: Remind me... I gotta slap that Grushecky around a little bit. What was he thinkin'? Lettin' his kid play drums. Now I look like the mean ol' rockin' daddy.

Patti: You didn't need to be so honest with him, though.

Patti: C'mon, Pats... the kid can't play worth a damn. Let's face it. It don't come naturally for him like it does with me. That apple wen't flyin' off the tree and rolled on down the hill into the valley below. It just ain't in 'im. It's a little embarrassin', actually. He can't play like me at all... he plays more like..... uhhh, more like... uhhh...

Patti: Like WHO?

Bruce: Uhhhhhh.....

* Patti rolls over *

Bruce: Sorry, babe... didn't mean nuthin' at all by that.... c'mon.....

* Patti is silent *

Bruce: Hey.... wanna, like... play 'play it as it lays'?

Patti: Don't touch me.

Bruce: Whudever.... whudever.

* Bruce reads in silence *

Bruce: I'm gettin' real fed up with these people. Thought they was supposed ta be, like... my core fan base.

* Patti is silent *

Bruce: If this is my core fan base, Pats, I'm hosed. I am SO hosed.

Patti: Just ignore them and go to sleep.... please.

Bruce: How do I ignore this? All they're doin' is bitchin' about this and bitchin' about that. Bitch... bitch... bitch... bitch.... bitch. What a buncha babies.

Patti: Please.

Bruce: You'd think they'd just be thrilled that the Boss is back, baby.

* Patti is isilent *

Bruce: I knew I was gonna get shit when I did that Seeger stuff. I knew it. But why now?? I gave 'em EVERYTHING they wanted this time. I poured it on thick, ya know?

Patti: I know.

Bruce: I gave 'em guitars.... I gave 'em sax... I gave 'em melodies....

Patti: I know.

Bruce: I mumbled my damn heart out... I even threw in a cunnilingus song like I always do for 'em.

Patti: Which one?

Bruce: "I'll Work For Your Love"

Patti: Please shut that off and go to sleep. We've got the first Asbury rehearsal tomorrow, remember?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah. Hey... get this... I'm thinkin'a broadcastin' it out ta the fans standin' outside.

Patti: Really? That is a GREAT idea, baby.

Bruce: Ya like that? Ya like that?

Patti: What a GREAT way to start the tour vibe.

Bruce: Hey... the Boss knows how ta treat this core fanbase.

Patti: Yes... you certainly do.

Bruce: Ya know what? Maybe I can put Ev in charga settin' that all up. You know... since he ain't good enough ta play in the band... maybe he can be like a roadie or sumthin. Handle techie stuff like that.

Patti: I think he'd really like that, baby.

Bruce: Yeah... yeah... what a dad I am, huh, Pats? I guess I AM a cool rockin'... HEY.... wait a minute!

Patti: What is it??

Bruce: Get this.... Now they're rankin' the new record already.

Patti: Ranking it? you mean compared to your other ones?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah...

Patti: Already??

Bruce: Yeah... ya believe that shit? This one clown's got it ranked down under Human Touch AND Unplugged.

Patti: Just ignore it.

Bruce: THIS guy's puttin' it under Stevie's solo records.

Patti: It's just BS, baby.

Bruce: THIS joker has it under 'Flemington.'

Patti: Now THAT'S bad, baby.

* There's an awkward silence in the bedroom *

Bruce: Stick a fork in me, Pats.... cause I'm done, baby.

Patti: Danny'll be thrilled, though. Good for him.

* Bruce stews in silence *

Patti: Hey... where do they rank 'Rumble Doll'?

Bruce: Two slots above 'Devils'.

Patti: Really? Cool!

* Bruce silently powers down the laptop, sets it on the bedstand and turns off the light *

Patti: Hey... look... I didn't mean anything by that, baby. Okay?

* Bruce is silent *

Patti: Hey... wanna play 'you'll be coming down'?

Bruce: Don't touch me.

BEHIND THE SCENES: The Magic Meeting

By Rich Kortz

THE SCENE: Bruce, Jon and the band have gathered in Bruce's barn. The
band is hearing the new album for the first time in its entirety.

-----------------------

Clarence (nodding along with the music): Mighty fine... mighty fine...

Bruce (grinning): Ya like that? Ya like that? You're thinkin' River,
right, Big Man? I can tell. You're thinkin' River.

Clarence: Not so much, Boss... gettin' more of a USA vibe over here.

Bruce: Naw... naw.... it's River, C... supposed ta be River. Stevie...
you gettin' River?

Steve: No way, Boss... definitely more Risin' for me... not so much River.

Bruce: But Risin was Riverish.

Roy: So by virtue of association you're inferring that this particular
piece summons a Riveresque connotation by means of The Rising?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah... you gettin' River, Professor?

Roy: No. Human Touch.

Bruce: Huh?

Roy: If forced to pick an entry in your canon that most approximates the
new music and my subsequent core emotional reaction to it, I'm afraid
I'd have to steer towards Human Touch.

Bruce (glaring at Roy): Yeah? Well steer clear of it, ya hear me?
Danny... what you gettin'?

Danny: John Cafferty.

Bruce: Huh?

Danny: Beaver Brown, Boss... mid-era Beaver Brown... circa Roadhouse.

Garry (high fiving Danny): That's it! It's been killin' me over here.
That's IT!

Danny: Life imitates art imitates life imitates art, huh, Boss?

Garry: Not that there's anything wrong with that, Boss.

Bruce (glaring at Garry): Mighty Max... what about you? You're gettin'
River, aren't ya?

Max: Uhhh... well, surrre, Boss... yeah... The River for sure.

Bruce (nodding at Max): That's good... that's good.

Nils: Actually, guys... I'm picking up a Nils Lofgren solo album vibe.

Bruce: Shut the xxxx up, Nils.

Jon: Allllright... allllright.... c'mon, boys... what's the point?
Seriously. Who cares WHAT album it sounds like, huh? The important thing
we need to decide on is what we're calling this bad boy.

Bruce: Radio Nowhere.

*The room is suddenly silent*

Jon: So.... you've decided?

Steve: Historic moment! You guys feelin' it? Historic moment! Boss is
namin' the new one!

Bruce (thumping 2 times on the table saw): Radio... Nowhere.

Patti: I like that, baby.

Danny: Nice, Boss.

Steve (grinning): I can hear it now... "Little Steven's Underground
Garage presents... the debut of.... Radio Nowhere...

Bruce: Stevie, man... this record ain't about promotin' your damn radio
show. It ain't about that at all.

Steve (nudging Clarence): Can't hurt, though, huh, Boss?

Bruce: Wait... wait... naw... naw... we ain't callin' it that.

Steve: Awwww, maaan.

Jon (looking over his notes): Okaaaay... let's look at some of the other
song titles, then, shall we? How about Devil's Arcade?

Max: Yes! How about Devil's Arcade? That is SUCH a great title, Boss.

Bruce: Yeah? Ya like that one, Mighty?

Max: LOVE it, Boss.

Bruce: Yeah? Ya's like that one, guys?

Roy: Indubitably. A dash of your calliope-flavored imagery from years
gone by, touched with the hard-earned, darker sensibility of the new
millenium. Present embraces past.

Bruce: Yeah?

*The room is silent*

Bruce: Hmmmm...

*The room is silent. Suddenly Bruce thumps two times on the table saw*

Bruce: Devil's.... Arcade.

*Everyone cheers*

Bruce (grinning): Ya's like that? Ya's like that?

The band in unison: Yeah!

Steve (Holding up his hands in the form of devil's horns): The E Street
Band wants your SOUL! It's the Devil's Arcade tour!

*Everyone cracks up, except for Bruce*

Bruce: What's that, Stevie?

Steve (grinning): I like it, Boss... VERY satanic! The fans'll love it.
Very Spinal Tappish.

Danny: Yeah, Boss... they'll eat that stuff right up.

Max: I love it... very different for us. Edgy.

Jon: That's NOT bad.... we can pick up a whole new audience... all those
lost sould who have wandered aimlessly ever since KISS stopped touring
regularly.

Bruce: KISS?

Jon (ominously): They could be YOURS, Boss. Muh haw haw HAWWW!

Steve: Face it... you ain't the Boss no more, baby... you're the PRINCE...

Bruce: Huh?

Steve (slapping Bruce on the back): The PRINCE OF DARKNESS, baby? get
it? DARKNESS??

Roy (nodding): Satanic AND ironic... considering your own history.

Clarence: Sweet.

Bruce: Wait... wait... naw... naw... we ain't callin' it that... my
ma'll kill me.

Steve: What's she gotta do with it, Boss?

Bruce: Told me after Reno I'd better clean it up for the next one.

Nils: She certainly wouldn't appreciate you taking on the stage personna
of Satan, then, would she?

Bruce: Naw... naw...

Nils: Too bad.

Steve: Awwww man, there goes the great kick-off to my Halloween special.

Danny: Wait a second, though... you did clean it up for the next record
with the, uh... the quote "Seeger Sessions Band" unquote.

*Everyone cracks up, except for Bruce*

Bruce (glaring at Danny): Sessions Band, Phantom.... Sessions Band.

Danny: What happend to the Seeger part, Boss?

Bruce: That ol' yokel bitched in the papers that O Mary shouldn'ta been
in a minor key. That's what happened.

Jon: Can you BELIEVE that sour old fool? The nerve!

Bruce (smirking): Said it shoulda been, like... a happy song.

Garry: What does HE know, right, Boss?

Bruce: I fixed him, though.

Steve (high-fiving Bruce): Revenge is a dish best served cold, baby!

Jon (scanning his notes): Okaaaay... let's seeee... what about... what
about... Magic?

Steve: Naaaahh.

Bruce: Naw.... naw....

Jon: Okaaay... how about... Last To...

Bruce: Wait... wait... yeah... yeah............. Magic.

*The room goes silent*

Clarence: That's mighty bold-ass, Boss... callin' it Magic. You up'n
call it Magic then you gotta up'n DELIVER on that, my man.

Patti: He's right, baby.

Nils: The review headlines would have a field day with it... "Magic It
Ain't"

Bruce (nodding towards the stereo): So... ya's are sayin' that ain't magic?

*The room is silent*

Bruce: So... ya's are sayin' what's comin' outta that box AIN'T magic?

Steve: Welll.....

Jon: Look... why don't we call it Girls in Their Summer Clothes.

Clarence (winking at Bruce): Yeah... throw some short-shorts on your
little missus there and we'll put HER ass on the cover'a this one!

Steve (high-fiving Clarence): Righteous!

Patti (blushing): Clarrrrence...

Jon: You know... that is NOT a...

Bruce: Naw... naw... we ain't puttin 'er ass on no damn cover. Naw... naw...

Patti (doing a Bruce impression): So... ya's arre sayin that ass AIN'T
magic?

*Everyone cracks up... except for Bruce*

Bruce (glaring at Patti and thumping once on the table saw): Magic.

*The room is silent*

Steve: Historic moment! You guys feelin' it? Historic moment! Boss is
namin' the new one!

Nils: What's on the cover, Boss?

Bruce: Me.

*The room is silent*

Steve: Soundin' a little pompous ta me there, Boss.

*The room is silent*

Clarence: So you're magic, Boss? That what you're sayin'?

*The room is silent*

Steve: So, first you were Dylan, then you were Elvis... and now you're
friggin Merlin?

Bruce (winking at Steve): Well... if the shoe fits.

*The room is silent*

Clarence: That's a mighty bold-ass claim, my man.

*The room is silent*

Bruce: Magic.

*The room is silent*

Bruce: Okay... we're done here, people. Let's hit the bricks.

Steve (thumping 3 times on the table saw): Pete... Seeger's.... Magic.

*Everyone cracks up, except for Bruce, who suddenly laughs wildly, snaps
his fingers and disappears in a cloud of smoke*

*The room is silent*

Clarence: Damn.... you fellas see that?

Steve: Holy Shit! Boss just disappeared!

Garry: Woh.

Patti: Baby?

Danny: That was friggin' intense.

Patti: Baby?? Stop kidding around.

Clarence: I ain't heard me a laugh like that since the 'Goin' Back'
outtake. My short hairs are standin' high, fellas.

Steve: That was some spooky shit, huh, guys? The dude just VANISHED.

Roy: Highly appropriate considering his newly-designated title.

Max: Think he's got himself a trap-door down there?

Nils (on hands and knees rubbing the floor): Nope... solid cement, fellas.

*The room falls silent*

Jon (shaking his head and smiling): Ya gotta love that guy... way ahead
of the curve once again.

The End

BEHIND THE SCENES: PRE-RELEASE JITTERS

By Rich Kortz
Mid-January, 2009. Rumson, NJ, 3 AM. Bruce sits up in the darkness... accidentally waking Patti.

--------------------------------

Patti (sighing): Now what's going on, baby?

Bruce: Same ol' same old... can't sleep.

Patti: I told you not to read that stuff, didn't I?

Bruce (sighing): Yeah... yeah.

Patti: And now my sheets are soaking wet. You know, I have to sleep in this bed, too, mister.

Bruce: Yeah... yeah...

Patti: Don't you see the pattern here? Every time your new CD leaks... right away you start reading that stupid BTX thing... you start panicking.... and I wake up in a puddle of your cold sweat.

Bruce: Naw... naw... spilled some Raisin Bran watchin' Seinfeld. I think maybe some milk mighta trickled your way durin' the night.

Patti (rolling over): That's disgusting.

Bruce (sighing) Sorry.

Patti (rolling back): Look... people like to complain. It's human nature, baby.

Bruce: Yeah?

Patti: Trust me. It makes them feel like they actually have a voice.

Bruce: Yeah?

Patti: Yes, baby.

Bruce: But, uhhh... like, they really don't, right?

Patti: Right. Goodnight, baby.

Bruce: 'Nite, Reds.

*Bruce and Patti are silent for a few minutes*

Bruce: Just don't understand it, Pats... why do they turn on me like a buncha rabid-ass dogs? Hell, last year I was right up there again... right up there on top'a the damn charts.

Patti: Baby... the Gitmo Torture Top 10 doesn't count, c'mon.

Bruce: It don't?

Patti: That's not a valid industry marker, baby.

Bruce: Damn. That ain't right. A chart's a chart, ya know?

Patti: I know... I know.

*Bruce and Patti are silent for a few minutes*

Bruce: Still can't believe it... using the band's music ta torture all them people. It's.. it's inhumane... that's what it is.

Patti (sighing): The Guantanamo Bay thing again?

Bruce: Naw... naw... bustin' out 'Town Called Heartbreak' in the first set on the last tour. What was I thinkin?

Patti (rolling away): Ass.

Bruce: Ya believe they're sayin' it's my worst record yet? What kinda crap is that?
It's Boss music, ya know?

Patti: I know... I know...

Bruce. Ya don't "critique" it like some pinhead. Ya stand back n' let it all be, right? Ya let it simmer... ya let it age like a fine wine, and then ya let history rank it as the masterpiece it for sure as shit is, right?

Patti: Right.

Bruce: Damn right.

Patti: It'll all settle down once the CD hits the stores. You'll see... then everyone will like it. People Magazine will say it's on par with The River, and you'll be good to go.


Bruce: Like George W. says... ain't no such thing as short-term history.

Patti: (rolling back): Excuse me? You're quoting Bush now?

Bruce: Well... the man makes a good point, Pats.

Patti (sighing and rolling away) Oh my god.

Bruce: I know exactly what he means. HE gets bashed... I get bashed... but the fact is... we're just ahead'a the curve is all. We do what we gotta do... n' then we take the heat, ya know? We're two of a kind, babe. Me n' George W. Bush. Hell... maybe I'll even write 'im a song.

Patti: Don't let Jon here you say that.

Bruce: Jonny? why?

Patti: That poor man has spent YEARS crafting this political stance of yours. You don't want that to crumble like a house of cards, do you, baby?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah... I mean, naw... naw...

Patti: Good night, baby

Bruce: Night, Reds.

*Bruce and Patti are silent for a few minutes*

Bruce: Callin' it a buncha outtakes. There just ain't no call for that.

* Patti ignores Bruce *

Bruce: I can't win. They bitch about gettin' more outtakes. So then they get some, right?... then they bitch about that. Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. Buncha bitchin' little bitch babies.

Patti: Well, they ARE outtakes, baby. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Bruce: Naw... naw... I know... I know. But at least I made the effort ta lay down some new vocals on 'em.

Patti: Maybe they were hoping for Magic outtakes at least. Not Play It As It Lays outtakes.

Bruce: Hey... an outtake's an outtake. If it comes outta tthe Springsteen household I stand by it.

Patti: That's so sweet, baby.

*Bruce and Patti are silent for a few minutes*

Bruce: They'll see... they'll see... it'll all come inta focus after a while... then they'll see...

Patti: Baby...

Bruce: They'll see I ain't still wrapped up in the past... they'll see I'm movin' on ahead.

Patti: Exactly.

Bruce: And Outlaw Pete ... that ain't no outtake. That's a brand damn new tune. That tune speaks'a where The Boss is now... today... in 2009.

Patti: Why are you so obsessed with that poor old man? It's getting a little embarrassing, baby.

Bruce: Hey... that poor ol' man aint nuthin' but a damn thief. He stole all my thunder away on that folk record. My fans didn't even know it was me, so they, like... didn't even buy the sucker. That just ain't right. That was MY folk record... not his... so I'm callin' him on it. Think they'll get the metaphor?

Patti: Baby, you're the one who NAMED that album after him.

Bruce: Uhhh...

Patti: And so... to get back at him.... now you go and name your one new song after him, too?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah... that ol' coot can run... but he can't hide.

Patti (rolling away and sighing): Good night, baby.

Bruce: Night, Reds.

*Bruce and Patti are silent for a few minutes*

Bruce: Them songs... they'll all come together on the tour. They always do. The boys'll shine 'em up nice. Then they'll see. Wait'll they see what Stevie n' I do with Kingdom'a Days.

Patti: So you really are serious about touring this record with the band, huh?

Bruce: Serious as life itself, baby.

Patti: Now that's a song I like... that's a great one, even if it is an outtake.

Bruce: Hey... you aughta know... you wrote it, sugar.

Patti: What are we calling this tour anyway? The Dream Tour?

Bruce: Naw... naw..... Outtakes 2009 Tour. That'll kill on a tee-shirt.

Patti: So, basically you're touring outtakes. That's not exactly progressive, baby.

Bruce: Hey... worked for me before. 'Member a little thing called the USA tour? Wasn't nuthin' but a buncha damn Nebraska outtakes, all spit-shined up with a beat. Don't sweat it, Reds. It'll fly. You'll see.

Patti: I'm not the one who's sweating here.

Bruce: I told ya... that ain't sweat... that's, uhhh... that's milk.

The End

BEHIND THE SCENES: SEPTEMBER REHEARSAL

By Rich Kortz

-----------------------------------
THE SCENE: Rumson, NJ. A hot Saturday afternoon in September. Bruce and the band are in the garage. It’s the first rehearsal for the Magic tour.
-----------------------------------

Bruce: Naw… naw… naw… hold it… hold it… whuddayah doin’, Big Man? Put a sock in it, huh?

Clarence: Thought I’d wail away some at the end, Boss… for a change.

Bruce: Naw… naw…

Clarence: C’mon, Boss… I thought we was gonna loosen them tunes up on stage.

Bruce: Huh?

Clarence: That record ain’t nuthin’ but a tease, Boss. I’m on them songs there for maybe 2 seconds, my man… then ya’ll go’n fade me right on out. Nuthin’ but a damn tease.

Bruce (winking at Patti): Sorry, Big Man... ya gotta play it as it lays.

Steve (rolling his eyes): Oh, please.

Bruce: That’s how we layed it down on the record. Ya don’t wanna go'n confuse people right outta the gate. We gotta build us some name recognition for these songs first.

Clarence: Awww, Boss.

Bruce: Maybe later on in the tour, C.

Soozie: Hey, Boss, how ’bout a freewheelin’ fiddle solo to cap it off then?

Danny: No way.

Steve: Nuh UHH... no fiddles, honey.

Garry: Yeah… I thought this was an E Steet tour this time.

Danny: Yeah, Boss… that’s what you told us.

Roy: That was my interpretation of the proceeding as well, Boss.

Nils: Yeah, me too.

Bruce: Settle down, you guys… settle the hell down.

Soozie: I think it’ll really be sweet during the chorus, too. Okay, Boss?

* There’s a sudden awkward silence in the garage *

Bruce: Drop the fiddle, Sooz.

Soozie: Excuse me?

Bruce: Drop the fiddle, Sooz… this ain’t no Sessions session no more. You know the drill.

Soozie: So, you’re just going to FORGET about everything we did in the band?

Bruce: Drop the fiddle, Sooz.

Soozie: All the momentum we built?

Bruce (nodding at Steve): Grab ’er, Stevie.

* Steve suddenly grabs Soozie’s arm *

Soozie: Ouch! Let me GO, pig!

Bruce: Drop the fiddle, Sooz.

Soozie: This is RIDICULOUS. Patti, honey, back me up over here!

Patti (winking at Bruce): You’re on your own, sister. You gotta play it as it lays.

Soozie: Oh shut UP with that!

Bruce: Drop it, Sooz.

* Soozie reluctantly drops the fiddle, and Steve releases her arm *

Soozie: There. Is everybody happy??

* There’s an awkward silence in the garage *

Bruce: The bow, too, Sooz…. drop it.

* Soozie drops the bow *

Bruce (nodding): That’s good…. that’s good.

Soozie: I am getting FED UP with this, Bruce.

Bruce (winking at Steve): Yeah?

Soozie: First your two gorillas over there rough up my friends…

Clarence: Hey now, no need for name callin’ now.

Soozie: And now THIS.

Steve: Hey… Boss told those clowns to stay away from the garage.

Soozie: You didn’t have to HIT them, you ape!

Clarence: Hey now… Boss told them fellas to beat it… they didn’t listen… so I was forced to put the hurt on ’em.

Soozie: Great. And now Greg will NEVER play a banjo again. Did you SEE what they did to his fingers, Bruce?? Did you SEE it?

Bruce: Hey, Sooz… we gonna rock… or you gonna walk? Make the call, babe. We got us work ta do here.

* Soozie picks up her bow and fiddle, and silently storms out, slamming the door behind her *

Garry: Woh.

*There’s an awkward silence in the garage *

Bruce (suddenly high-fiving Steve): Okay, boys… ya’s all ready ta rock?

Garry: Yessir.

Danny: Oh yeah.

Roy: Indisputably!

Max: Hey, Boss… quick question… are you going to sing the vocals so we can understand them?

Bruce: Huh?

Max: Because we sure can’t on the record. Or was that on purpose?

* There’s a sudden awkward silence in the garage *

Bruce: What’s that, Mighty?

Max: C’mon, guys…. back me up over here.

Bruce: Somebody get me Larry Eagle’s cellphone number… on the double.

Clarence: Uh, Boss… I done snapped his arm like a twig, remember? Best call Zack, my man.

Max: This is crazy, Boss… c’mon…

Bruce: Turns out you can hear them vocals just fine, can’t ya, Mighty?

Max: Uhhh, well, surrre, Boss… crystal clear. Like I wrote and sang them myself.

Bruce (nodding at Max): That’s good… that’s good. Okay! Let’s make us some noise, people!

Clarence: Right on, Boss!

Nils: We’re with you, Boss! Let’s rocknroll!!

Patti: WooHoo! Play it as it lays!

Bruce: Shut the xxxx up, Pats.

* There’s a sudden awkward silence in the garage *

Clarence (dropping to the ground): Hit the deck! Boss dissed the ol’ lady! She’s gonna blow!

* Patti glares at Bruce, and then quietly walks out, slamming the door behind her *

Garry: Woh.

* The awkward silence continues. Suddenly Patti open the door *

Patti: Max is right, baby. You can’t hear the vocals. Go ahead, I challenge ANY of you guys to tell him what ANY of those songs are about. I mean, what in Christ’s name is “Gypsy Biker” about, baby? At least people can understand the words on MY record. And what’s with all the dramatic orchestration? Who are you now, Neil Diamond?

Bruce: Hit the bricks, Pats.

Steve: Play it as it lays!

* Patti slams the door again. The awkward silence continues *

Danny: Hey, Boss, what IS “Gypsy Biker” about, anyway?

Bruce (winking at Danny): Cunnilingus. Now let’s ROCK it, boys!! Hwunn… tewww… treeee…

Steve (high-fiving Bruce): The REAL E Street Band is back in SESSION, baby!

BEHIND THE SCENES: The Ghost Of Tom Joad

by Rich Kortz

- --------------------------
The Scene:
April 2000. 3 AM. A restless Bruce walks the streets of Houston, Texas a few
hours after that night's show. He's alone on the street except for a
solitary figure approaching in the opposite direction whistling 'Red River
Valley'. Bruce glances up to greet him as he passes.
- --------------------------

Bruce: Hey

Tom: Howdy, mister.

Bruce: Hey... uhh... Henry??

* both men stop and turn around*

Tom: Huh?

Bruce: Ain't you... ain't you Henry Fonda??

Tom: Don't think so, son... name's Tom... Tom Joad.

Bruce: Uhhhhhhhh...

Tom (smiling): You ok there, fella?

Bruce: Yeah... just that... just that... uhhhhh...

Tom: I'm real sorry if I spooked ya.... didn't know how else to do this.

Bruce: Ya mean...?

Tom: Yep, that's right... I know who you are. Been meanin' to talk to ya. I
thought if I just popped up in your bedroom it might freak out the Missus...
so I thought I'd try bumping into you out here. It seems to work better that
way. Buy you a beer?

Bruce: A beer? Uhhh, yeah... yeah... sure.

*Tom motions across the street to an all-night bar. Bruce and Tom enter,
order a beer, and disappear into a dark corner*

Tom: So, what brings you out here tonight... alone?

Bruce: Just couldn't sleep... wired I guess... still wired from the show.

Tom: Yeah, that was something... a real barn burnin' hootennanny!

Bruce: You were there??

Tom: Sure... sure... I don't miss too many. I sure don't wanna gush or
nuthin', but, but... aww well, guess I'm just another... just another...
what do they call them folks?...tramps... yup... just another tramp. You
know how it is. Let's just say I've got over 300 bootleg CDs and leave it at
that.

Bruce: Damn.

Tom: Yeah... yeah... I know. I ain't necessarilly proud of it or nuthin'...
just can't stop myself. Always figured it was better than grain alcohol and
tobacco. Not that I get much chance to listen to 'em. It's kinda hard
listenin' to CDs when you're a wandering spirit.

Bruce: Got any video? I'm still lookin' for 8/7/99 New Jersey.

Tom: Nah, never got into that... quality's all over the map. I'm holdin' out
till all the best stuff goes DVD. But like I said... I ain't proud of it or
nuthin'.

Bruce: Hey, I got no problem with that. Once, like, I was in Memphis,
right?... and like me and Stevie... we drove out ta see Elvis, right?... but
he...

Tom: Yeah...yeah... I know. So THAT'S why you're out here? Just can't
sleep??

Bruce: Welllll....

Tom: I'm thinking it's something else altogether.

Bruce: Sorta... yeah.

Tom: I'm all ears, brother... that's why I'm here.

Bruce: See, like... like I put this tour together and all, right? But like,
I don't know if they're even gettin' it, ya know?

Tom: Oh, I know... I know. I see 'em walk out when you play my song. I see
'em. "Time for a beer break"... "time for a pee break"... "gotta go check my
e-mail".

Bruce: Yeah... yeah.

Tom: Doesn't that piss you off?? Sometimes it makes me wannna pick up a
shovel and do a Preacher Casey on 'em... know what I mean?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah.

Tom: Frustratin'... I know.

Bruce: Yeah, like, I wonder... if they ain't gettin it... then what's it all
for? Like, I look out there...out into all them faces every night...
thousands of faces... and I think...

Tom: All that potential for change??

Bruce: Yeah...yeah. But like, after the show they seem ta be more concerned
with gettin' outta the parkin' lot before it jams up.

Tom: Yup. Nearly got run over myself tonight by some chucklehead with a
cellphone.

Bruce: If only say, if only HALF of 'em checked out the information out in
the lobby... the food folks and the welfare folks n'all... they could do so
much for poverty, like, they could... they could, like...

Tom: Open up a can of whup ass on it?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah.

Tom: I'm with ya, brother.

Bruce:You'd think that all that shoutin' they do durin' 'Badlands' would
carry over a little... make em' realize that... that...

Tom: That they're all connected? And connected with everybody else outside
in some fashion??

Bruce: Yeah...yeah. Hey... you say that too??

Tom: Say what, son?

Bruce: 'In some fashion'.

Tom: Guess I do... never noticed. Why?

Bruce: Nuthin'... no reason..... say, you're pretty sharp for a... for a
roamin' spirit.

Tom: Thanks, buddy.

Bruce: I suppose I could just sit in my house and cut checks all the time...
but somehow I think I could do even more good by lightin' firecrackers under
all THEIR asses. Stirrin' the shit a little, ya know?

Tom: Oh, I know. Look.... just keep pluggin' away, son... plant them seeds.
You're doin' just fine. Ma would be mighty proud of ya... let me tell ya.
Just keep steerin' that big train just like you're doin', son... and maybe
sooner or later they'll figure it all out.

Bruce: Yeah... yeah.

Tom: Something's gotta give... sooner or later.

Bruce: Yeah... yeah...... Well, I gotta bolt on ya, Tom... before Pats wakes
up and gets worried.... but you know where I live... first chance ya get...
stop on by, meet the family.

Tom (smiling): Hey... you know me....................... I'll be there.

The End

Date: Fri, 21 Jun 2002 16:58:02 -0400
From: "Rich Kortz(VF)" <Rich.Kortz@PQCorp.com>
Subject: BEHIND THE SCENES - THE BEATLES INFLUENCE

BEHIND THE SCENES - THE BEATLES INFLUENCE
By Rich Kortz
- ------------------------------------------------------------
Max: But, Boss... couldn't I just do something from my own CD instead?
Bruce: Naw... naw... we ain't doin' nuthin' from yer CD, Max. We do that
stuff for them Christmas shows... but we ain't doin' it now.
Max: Awww, Boss...
Bruce: Want ya ta sing 'Act Naturally.' How many times I gotta say that?
Want ya ta sing 'Act Naturally.' Got a whole Beatles influence thing goin'
here. Don't ya feel the Beatles influence happenin' here?
Max: Welllll.....
Bruce (glaring at Max): Ya DO feel it... DON'T ya, Max?
Max: Uhhh, yeah, Boss... sure... sure... whatever... whatever... I guess you
know what you're doing.
Bruce: Yeah... yeah... I guess I do... I guess I do......... and bob that
head a little, huh?
Max: Bob my head, Boss?
Bruce: Yeah... yeah... bob that head... in some fashion.

BEHIND THE SCENES - Saint Rose Of Lima

by Rich Kortz

- ---------------------------------
The Scene:
September 1958. Saint Rose of Lima school in Freehold, New Jersey. Nine
year-old Bruce Frederick Springsteen sits in penmanship class. The class is
taught by a Sister of Saint Francis Nun, Sister Mary Mangler.
- ---------------------------------

Sister Mary: Class, your essays about the three things you want to be when you
grow up were excellent... and very nicely written. I'm happy to see you have
chosen so many wonderful occupations. Most of you, anyway. Bruce, can you stand
up, please?

Bruce: You talkin' ta me?

Sister Mary: You KNOW who I'm talking to, Mr. Springsteen, so wipe that
confused look off your face and stand up.

Bruce: Ok... ok... sorry, Sis.

Sister Mary: Sis??

Bruce: Sorry...... Sister.

*Bruce stands up*

Sister Mary (pointing to a young girl in class): Janey, tell the class the
three things you'd like to be when you grow up.

Janey: A teacher, Sister... a teacher at Freehold Regional High... and a nurse,
and a mom.

Sister Mary: That's wonderful, Janey... Billy, tell the class what you'd like
to be.

Billy: A train engineer... a policeman... and a foreman at the chocolate
factory.

Sister Mary: That's wonderful, thank you, Billy... now Bruce, tell everyone the
three things you'd like to be when you grow up.

Bruce: Uhhhhhh....

Sister Mary: Go ahead... tell the class... tell them what you wrote down for
your three things... tell them what you wrote in this chickenscratch you call
good penmanship.

Bruce (looking sheepishly at the floor): Uhhhh, Elvis... Elvis... and Elvis.

*several students laugh quietly*

Sister Mary: And why did you write that down, Bruce?

Bruce: Cause... cause... like... don't... don't know.

Sister Mary: Speak properly when I ask you something, Mr Springsteen... not
with that odd, halting stammer. Why must you talk like that?.. dragging your
sentences out... repeating yourself. Proper children enunciate clearly. Is that
how your parents raised you??

Bruce: Don't... like... don't... don't know.

Sister Mary: Never mind... now tell the class why you'd like to be Elvis
Presley.

Bruce: Cause like, I seen him on TV... with his guitar. I ain't never seen
nuthin' like that before... it was like... like magic or sumthin'.

Sister Mary: And THAT is what you want to be??

Bruce: Yeah... yeah...

Billy: Want me to slap him, Sister?

Sister Mary: No... that's allright... thank you, Billy. We'll let the first
graders handle that. Can you even play a guitar, Mr. Springsteen?

Bruce: Like... like, I tried, right?... but my hands were too small. Gonna try
again though.

Sister Mary: So you want to be Elvis, but you can't even hold a guitar
properly? That's wonderful. Tell the class what your father does, Bruce. Tell
them what your responsible father does.

Bruce: What he does? he, uhhh... he screams a lot and throws stuff at me.

*more laughter in the classroom, louder this time*

Sister Mary: That's enough with the smartass remarks... I meant, where does he
work?

Bruce: Uhhhh... at the, uhhhh... the fuckin' factory.

*a collective gasp from the students... then silence*

Sister Mary: Excuse me?? What did you just say, Mr Springsteen??

Bruce: That's where he works... the fuckin' factory. Everytime he comes home he
says 'I hate that fuckin' factory'.

*the class erupts in laughter*

Sister Mary: Children! That's enough! Bruce, if you speak to me that way again,
I'll put you back in the trash can. And why will I do that, class?

The class in unison: Because trash belongs in a trash can.

Sister Mary: That's correct, class... thank you. Your father works at the
plastics factory. That's right. And where does your mother work, Bruce? Your
responsible mother?

Bruce: Uhhh, in a... in a office.

Sister Mary: That's right... she's a secretary. A factory worker and a
secretary. Both very respectable positions in society. Now Bruce, I'd like you
to stand there and think about what you've written. I want you to think about
your future, and the future of this community, and the role you might someday
play in it. And think about what responsible children that attend this school
do when they grow up. I want you to stand there until you've smartened up.

*the class goes on while Bruce remains standing for 40 more minutes*

Sister Mary: Well, Bruce, have you thought about the three things that you want
to be when you grow up?... what you want to be instead of that trash, Elvis
Presley?

Bruce: Yeah... yeah....

Sister: Ok then, tell the class three things that you'd like to be.

Bruce: Uhhhh... Jerry Lee, Hank and Buddy?

The End

BEHIND THE SCENES Of The Millennium Concert Planning Session

By Rich Kortz

The Players:
Bruce Springsteen - Robert DeNiro
Jon Landau - Jon Lovitz
Gordon Grabbass (Head of Sony/Columbia Corporate Marketing Strategy) - Billy
Bob Thornton
Ben Dover (Assistant Head) - David Spade

The Scene:
Mid January 1999, in the Sony/Columbia Promotional Strategy Division
Headquarters
- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -------------------------------------------------------

Gordon: A year, boys...that's all we're looking at here...one year. It's not
a helluva lotta time to pull this together, and I know we...

Bruce: (whistling 'Ring of Fire')

Gordon: Hey Bruce buddy, can you put a lid on that? It's drivin' me crazy. I
can't think here.

Bruce: You talkin' ta' me?

Jon: Gordy, just ignore him...he's been up all night rehearsing for that
damn Johnny Cash thing. I'm trying to get him together with the boys for
tour rehearsals, and he's messing around with this Johnny Cash thing. You
think YOU'RE going crazy.

Gordy: All I want at this point is the venue. That's all I want. Promo wants
to play this thing up big, and I mean BIG, and we gotta lock down the digs
before we do anything. This will be THE place to be on New Year's Eve 1999,
and we wanna milk it for all it's worth. Those pricks over at the
Meadowlands have been yankin' my crank for 3 months now, so screw 'em. I
want somewhere different anyhow. Somewhere new. Somewhere big. It's gonna be
one HELL of a party.

Jon: That reminds me...we DID get the OK from Prince on the song. He might
even go for a duet. How cool is THAT, baby? Anyway, Bruce, why don't you
tell him what we talked about?

Bruce: We were....we were thinking like maybe....a run of nights at the
Paramount...right there on the shore. Like....bring it all home in some
fashion.

Gordy: The shore?? Nobody wants to go to the damn beach on New Years Eve!
We'll have people floppin' over from the cold just waitin' to get in the
damn place. I don't want any lawsuits... and how many asses can we pack into
those seats anyhow? Not that many. Out of the question.

Jon: Gordy...for once in your life...forget about the damn money...and think
about it. Don't you see what we're talking about here? This could be it.
FOREVER. The LAST concert, baby. It's getting to be too much of a hassle to
get these guys together. Look at all that crap we had to deal with from
Conan. I mean, who the HELL does he think he is anyway?? I could bury that
punk in a day...you hear me??!! IN A DAY... THAT PIECE OF...

Bruce: Jonny...

Jon: Don't you get it?? This is IT. We wanna go out in style, and what
better place to do the last show than right down there at the shore in
Asbury. Christ...it's...it's beautiful... It's perfect.... it's SUBLIME,
baby.

Bruce: And I was thinking like....maybe we could get like...Tillie in there
somehow...up there with us...up on the stage or somethin'.

Gordy: Bruce, don't you think you're gonna have enough people up there
already? You've got Nils AND Steve. You've got Patti up there...maybe
Soozie, and now this Tillie?...Jesus Bruce...why not bring your mom and your
aunt and your sisters up there too?

Ben: Uh, Mr. Grabbass...Tillie's not a person.

Gordy: What?

Ben: Tillie is the big clown.

Gordy: Why the hell do we need some damn clown running around up there??
What the heck is he gonna do? Throw pies and squeeze some big-ass horn??
You're already gonna have Nils doing his damn backflips. You wanna make this
into some kinda damn circus?? What the hell is this? Dr. Zoom?? Hell, I'll
sit my fat ass up there and play Monopoly if you'd like. How'd that be??

Ben: Uh, Tillie is the big plaster clown from the Palace. He'd like it as a
prop maybe above the stage.

Jon: I just love that idea... and afterwards we'll give it to a museum...or
else maybe I'll put it in my garage. Not sure which yet.

Gordy: Guys.... guys.... If you wanna do a run at the Jersey shore, how
about Atlantic City then? Think of it......You could open with 'Atlantic
City' every night, and people could gamble after the show. How does that
sound?? And have you seen that new Trump Palace there?? It's damn big. We
could serve drinks during the show. It'd be sweet. Maybe the shore isn't
such a bad idea after all. Hey...we could release 'Atlantic City' from the
Plugged show as a single! Or maybe do a string mix...damn, my wheels are
turning now!!

Bruce: Anybody know when 'The Simpsons' is on?

The End

BEHIND THE SCENES: THE PHANTOM MENACE
>
> by Rich Kortz (with thanks to Philip LoPresti)
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> The Scene: Bruce and the band blow off their May 23 London gig to catch
> 'The Phantom Menace'
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
Bruce: Big Man.... down in front! Can't... can't see anything here!
Clarence: Sorry Boss.
Bruce: Hey Nils.... switch seats with Clarence so I can see, huh?
Nils: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Danny: Stevie man... quit chuckin' those Ju Ju Bees.
Steve: Damn... I've been waitin' YEARS for this.... YEARS. You guys
see that trailer? This is gonna rock! George knows his shit.
Clarence: George?
Steve: George Lucas
Clarence: Sorry Miami... didn't know you two were on a first name
basis.
Bruce: You kiddin' Big Man? Silvio knows all them big shots now,
don't you Silvio??
Steve: No shit... George and I are tight.... we're kickin' around a
project.
Clarence: Oooooh....a 'Project'. Hey Mr. Hollywood.... quit kickin'
my damn seat huh?
Bruce: Harrison Ford in this one?
Patti: No, baby.
Bruce: Damn.... what's a 'Star Wars' movie without Han Solo?
Gary: Hey Boss... what about the show tonight?
Steve: Gary man... why you bringin' us down?? Relax for once in your
life.
Bruce: This is 'Star Wars' man... the fans'll get over it. They're
all probably out at the movies too.
Gary: I don't know.... we never did nuthin' like this before. Jon's
gonna be PISSED.
Steve: Ahhh let 'em be pissed. If he wants a show he can go out and
play his damn guitar.
Clarence: That's right.... we need us a night off.
Max: We did just have a night off though.
Bruce: Hey look... if you guys wanna bolt, go ahead.... I'm stayin
though. Tell 'em I'm sick or somethin'.
Max: We couldn't go on without you, Boss.
Bruce: Sure... sure you could... just be the...what did you guys
call that?....the Asbury All Stars or somethin?? I don't care. I've been
pumped for this ever since 'Jedi'. Miami and I are stayin' right here.
Steve (kicking Clarence's seat): How 'bout you Jabba? You in??
Clarence: I'm here man. I'm down.
Steve: Cool... Jabba's stayin'. All you guys might as well stay if
we are.
Clarence: Hey Stevie... you call me Jabba again and I'ma gonna mess
you up.
Bruce: C'mon... knock it off. Show's gonna start soon.
Roy: Hey, Is Darth Vader in this?
Danny: He is... yeah... but he's a little kid or somethin'.
Max: Right... this is before he became Darth Vader. Conan just had
the kid on the other night.
Bruce: Effin Conan..... my whole band is goin' Hollywood on me.
Danny: Hey Boss...
Bruce: Yeah Danny, what is it?
Danny: Roy, Gary and I were wonderin'...
Bruce: No way.... Not that again.... I told you guys you CAN'T sing
during 'Fall Behind'. There ain't no more verses.
Danny: You could always write a few more and...
Bruce: I ain't writin' any more verses. You guys wanna sing... sing
on your solo albums.
Steve: That's right... leave the singin' to us stars... you got a
problem with that? Good. Now fuggedabowdit.
Roy: Hey Miami... mind your own damn...
Steve: I said... FUGGEDABOWDIT!
Danny: Hey Silvio... I don't know if anyone told you yet, but you
ain't a real gangster... you just play one on TV.
*Entire band laughs except for Steve, who slinks down in his seat*
Clarence (high-fiving Danny): Good one Phantom!
Bruce: Allright everybody... pipe down... previews are startin'.
Patti: Can you get me some popcorn, baby?
Bruce: Awww jeeez Pats, why didn't you ask me earlier??
Steve: Boss man, get the little lady some corn... we'll save your
seat. And I'll take a box of Duds too while you're up.
Clarence: They got them soft pretzel bites here?
Steve: This is London, Big Man... I doubt it.
Clarence: Damn... Ok... I'll just take some nachos or somethin'. And
a Coke. Cool Boss?
Danny: I'll take some Snowcaps.
Max: I'll take a popcorn too!
Danny: Me too...no butter.
Roy: See if they got Hot Tamales. If not I'll take Mike and Ikes.
Nils: Large Coke for me.
Gary: Just water here, Boss.
Bruce: Ok, but that's it... I can't carry anything else.
Steve: Ok Boss... but hurry it up... we're hungry.
*Bruce slips out and hustles up the aisle as the lights go down*
Steve: Ok, c'mon everybody... let's split up and hide!!

THE END

BEHIND THE SCENES of the rerecording of 'The Promise'

By Rich Kortz
(Special thanks to Philip LoPresti)

---------------------------------------------

THE SCENE:
3 AM, the night of the Charlie Rose interview.
Bruce sits alone in his home studio, noodling with his guitar

-------------------------------------------------------

Bruce: Johnny works... Johnny works in a...... in a factory.... Billy works
downtown.... Terry...
Patti (coming down the steps in her bathrobe, rubbing her eyes): Baby? you
OK baby?
Bruce: Yeah... yeah.... I'm OK..... I'm OK sweetie... go back to bed.
Patti: Can't sleep honey?
Bruce: No... no.... it's.... it's.... well yeah... yeah... it's this song.
Patti: What song baby?
Bruce: Promise.
Patti: Promise what baby?
Bruce: That's the song... The Promise.
Patti: What about it baby?
Bruce: I don't know... I don't know... I keep thinkin' that I wanna.... that
I wanna get it out there in some fashion.
Patti: You're just thinking about that because of what Charlie asked you
tonight, right? Is that it?
Bruce: Well, yeah, but.. you saw all them faxes Jon sent me... all that
stuff off the internet... that Luckytown thing.
Patti: THAT stuff? Well yeah, but...
Bruce: They want it baby.
Patti: They....
Bruce: The fans want the song.
Patti: But you already said...
Bruce: I know what I said... I know.... I maybe wanna try it again.... do it
again.
Patti: Solo baby?
Bruce: Yeah.
Patti: Joad style again, huh?
Bruce: What's that mean?
Patti: Nothing... just that... just that.. does everything need to be Joad
style honey?
Bruce: I tried it with the guys.... twice.... we just didn't nail it....
didn't get it.
Patti: But what about all the live versions you've got... one of those must
be OK to use. How about the one from Berkeley? The piano one... you really
should play more piano baby.
Bruce: You ARE a fan, ain't ya?
Patti: Fan first... wife second!
Bruce: I don't know.... just doesn't feel right for me now.
Patti: But why solo baby? How 'bout tomorrow morning first thing I'll put
some Li Li Li Li Li's on the chorus for you?
Bruce: I'm just messin' around... just feelin' it out.... you seen that CD
around?
Patti: What CD baby?
Bruce: The one with 'Promise'... I don't remember all the words... gotta
hear the song again.
Patti: Oh, that one..... 'Deep Down' or something.... yeah... I just saw one
of the kids with it the other day. They like that one.
Bruce: Well, I gotta find it... Chuck needs it too... he's takin' The Fever'
off there.
Patti: Yeah, it DOES sound good on there, doesn't it?
Bruce (after a reluctant pause): Yeah.
Patti: Well... OK... if you want baby... why not try it? I can kinda see it
solo... why not? Makes more sense to me than when you tried to radically
rework 'E Street Shuffle' as a grim acoustic piece. The Promise.... Isn't
that the song about the lawsuit? The whole thing with Mike?
Bruce: I don't write songs about lawsuits.
Patti: Well, it just seemed coincidental and all with...
Bruce: I don't write songs about lawsuits.
Patti: OK honey... OK.... whatever.... it's me honey.... you can tell me
what it's about, can't you?
Bruce: Oh hell..... It's about the lawsuit. No one gives a damn now anyhow.
Patti: It iS? I KNEW it... I knew it.
Bruce: Yeah, but don't tell Jon, ok?
Patti: Sure baby, whatever you want...now why don't you come up to bed and
try the song out tomorrow?
Bruce: Yeah... yeah..... OK... OK... I'll be right up Reds... just gotta go
finish up my chores first... place is a mess... gotta go sweep... you know
the deal.
Patti: That's right... I did the dustin' today.
Bruce: Yeah, but tomorrow I'M doing the washin' and YOU'RE doin' the
foldin'.

THE END

BEHIND THE SCENES - Backstage in Columbia

By Rich Kortz

- ---------------
THE SCENE: December 10, 2002, Columbia, South Carolina. 12:17 AM. After that
night's show, Bruce has gathered the band together in his dressing room.
- ---------------

Bruce: Alright, everybody... want ya's ta listen up...

Steve: Boss, man. how good are we, huh? Tell us we don't just keep gettin'
better and better and better. Go ahead, man. tell us.

Clarence (high-fiving Steve): Right on, baby. go on Boss, lay it on us. We'
re gettin' a big-ass Christmas bonus, ain't we??

*Everyone cheers. Steve cups his hands to his mouth and makes crowd-roaring
noises*

Clarence: Bruuuuuuuce! Bruuuuuuuuuuce!

Danny: The fans goes wild!!

*Everyone is laughing, except Bruce*

Bruce: Okay. okay.. Settle down, you guys. settle the hell down.

Max: You have to admit, Boss. We DO keep getting better and better. I think
that's the BEST 'Hard Land' we've ever done.

Clarence: Yeah, and how 'bout 'Detroit', huh? That wasn't too shabby
neither, Boss. We ACED that mothersucker.

Roy: Absolutely. I'd say we rendered it definitively. Particularly given its
war-horse status in our canon.

Bruce: Huh? Who said anything 'bout cannons? We ain't rollin' no cannons out
there, Professor. Who the hell are we, AC-DC?

Patti: C'mon, baby. what's going on with you tonight? You seem tense.
Lighten up a little, huh? You should be thrilled. Your new songs are really
coming alive... they just keep improving. night after night.

Bruce: Yeah. yeah. I guess they do. I guess they do.

Patti: And your band is at the top of their game these days.

Bruce: Yeah. yeah. I guess they are.. I guess they are.

*Gradually, an awkward silence fills the room. It's finally broken by Steve*

Steve: Hey, Boss, buddy.. Uhhh, what gives? You okay, man?

Clarence: Yeah, Boss, what's the deal?

Bruce (after a reluctant pause): What are you guys tryin' ta. tryin' ta do
ta me, huh? Tryin' ta do ta US?

*Another lengthy pause is also broken by Steve*

Steve: Excuse me??

Bruce: Ain't you guys been noticin' what's been. what's been goin' on?

Patti: Going on? Going on WHERE, baby?

Bruce (motioning with his hands toward the door): Out THERE. out THERE.

*There's a confused silence in the room*

Clarence: Uhhh. out in the hall, Boss?

Bruce: Naw. naw. not out in the hall, Big Man. What's the matter with you?
Not out in the damn hall.out there in the WORLD, Big Man. out there in the
charts.

Patti: The charts??

Bruce: 'Risin's slippin'.

Patti: Not THAT again, baby... we TALKED about that. This ISN'T 1985
anymore.

Garry: It's slippin', Boss? Really? I didn't notice.

Bruce: Trust me... it's slippin'. it's slippin'.

Patti: C'mon, baby. it's been out for months. Of course it's going to slip a
little.

Bruce: It ain't slippin' a little.. slippin' a lot. slippin' a LOT.

Clarence: He's right on, you guys. Check the new Rolling Stone. done slipped
right on outta sight.

Bruce: That's right, Big Man. and it keeps ON slippin'.

Roy: Excuse me, Boss. I don't mean to nitpick, but I think you mean
'sliding.'

Bruce: Huh?

Roy: 'Sliding'. not 'slipping.' Something really doesn't 'slip' repeatedly.
If something continues to slip you would render your claim more accurately
by saying it's sliding. You might say 'The Rising' is 'sliding' off the
charts.

Bruce: Whatever. whatever. What if I say my boot might be 'slidin' cross
your little round behind?

Steve (grinning): Guess you could say 'The Rising' is falling. Get it, you
guys? 'The Rising' is FALLING'?? Can you smell the IRONY??

*Everyone cracks up, except Bruce*

Garry: Hey, did you guys see that 'USA' cover spoof Rolling Stone did with
Homer's ass??

Max: Yes!!

Danny: That wasn't so funny.

Bruce: Ya didn't like the Homer cover, Phantom?

Danny: Nahhh. didn't do nuthin' for me. I like the Abbey Road one better.

Steve: Don't mind him, Boss. he's just bitter cause they didn't spoof
'Flemington.'

*Everyone cracks up, except Danny and Bruce*

Bruce: Cool it, you guys. We're losin' focus here.

Steve: Look, man. So what? When have we ever cared about that chart stuff?
Ever think maybe the message this time is a little too much of a bummer for
people. Maybe people don't wanna KEEP thinkin' about it. I mean, your whole
point with the record is that people need to move on, right? So now they
move on and now you got a problem with them?? What's THAT about, Boss?

Bruce (glumly looking down): Maybe they moved on a little TOO quick.

Steve: EXCUSE ME??

Bruce: Wait.. Wait. naw. naw. it ain't them.. it ain't them. I ain't got no
problem with THEM, Stevie.

Steve: What's your point, man?

Bruce: The point is. you guys are goin' ape**** with the solo stuff all of
a sudden. You're killin' me over here.

Steve: SAY WHAT??

Bruce: You guys are puttin' so much stuff out there now the fans can't keep
up. Startin' ta look like you guys're ridin' the gravy train a little. ridin
' my coattails a little. Seems like ya's ain't too focused on the task at
hand.

Patti: Baby, that is RIDICU.

Bruce: Hey, Big Man.

Clarence: Uhhhh, me, Boss??

Bruce (glaring at Clarence): Yeah, YOU. What's this Temple of Soul stuff,
huh? What's that about?

Clarence: Heyyyy, now. Dig this, Boss. I'm an accomplished saxophonist. Got
my own band. Nothin' says I can't cut loose a record on my own now and then.

Bruce: Yeah? Why now, huh? Why right now? Right in the middle'a the tour? My
tour? OUR tour? Smells fishy ta me. Smells like maybe ya was tryin' ta cash
in a little. know what I'm sayin'? Strikin' while the iron's hot? See where
I'm goin', Big Man?

Clarence: That's some heavy-ass jive you're slingin' there, my man. What are
you insinuatin'?

Bruce: I'm insinuatin' that ya got like four or five'a my tunes on there,
don't ya?

Clarence: Hey, man. that's cause I RESPECT you, my man. I R E S P.

Bruce: And I'm insinuatin' that ya just HAPPENED ta record it in Asbury.
That's MY turf, Big Man.

Clarence: Heyyyy, now, Boss. You don't own the town, my man.

*An uncomfortable silence descends on the room*

Bruce: And don't think I don't know about ya guestin' on that Fromm guy's
Christmas CD.

Clarence: Heyyyy, now... that's just a little side project I knocked out.
Don't mean nuthin' at all. The dude asked me if I'd lay some sax down on his
stuff. That's ALL, Boss.

Bruce: Yeah? Did he ask ya ta lay down the Santa Claus schtick, too? Or was
that YOUR idea? I thought that Santa schtick was OUR thing, Big Man.

*Clarence looks glumly at the floor in silence*

Steve (nudging Danny): Hey, Big Man. guess this means you better shelve that
solo bagpipe album you been workin' on!

*Everyone cracks up... except for Bruce, who's now glaring at Nils*

Patti: Baby, you had better just STOP this right now. You're letting this
whole chart thing get to you. You're just being plain nasty. You're going to
regret saying these things when you.

Bruce: Hey, Lefty.

Nils: Me, Boss?

Bruce: You been pretty quiet over there.

Nils: I'm always quiet after a show, Boss. I'm wiped.

Bruce: Wiped, huh? Wiped from promotin' that new CD, maybe??

Nils: WHAT??

Bruce: So, what's this make for ya, huh?.. three solo CDs in one year,
right?

*Nils stews in silence*

Patti: BABY!? What is going ON with you tonight? Are you feeling okay??

Steve (grinning): Hey, Nils, man. you really got another new CD out??
Seriously??

Nils: Yes. yes I do.

Bruce: Geeee. what a coincidence!

Nils: Are you KIDDING me?? Do you really think that I would try and capita.

Bruce: So, Nils. how many of MY songs do ya cover on your CD, huh??

Nils: Read my lips, Boss. NONE. Not a single one.

*There's a sudden awkward silence in the room*

Nils: I do, however, do an absolutely killer 'First Time Ever I Saw Your
Face.'

Bruce: Yeah, but, uhhh. none'a mine? None'a MY tunes??

Nils (proudly): That's right, Boss. None.

Bruce (after a reluctant pause): How come ya. uhhh. how come ya ain't got
none'a my tunes on there?

Nils: Because it's a Nils album all the way, Boss. It'll stand or fall on it
's own thank you very much.

Patti: Baby. I think you need to calm down. Seriously. You're getting
paranoid. I've never seen you like this before.

Steve (nudging Danny): Hey, Nils.. you got 'Keith Don't Go' on there again?

Nils: Actually, Steve. no. not this time.

Steve: That's a first! How many times have you put THAT thing out, huh??

*Everyone cracks up*

Steve: So, like, Nils. you don't actually think you kept Keith alive and
workin' all these years cause of your song, do ya?

Nils: Well... on some level it WOULD be nice to think that MAYBE he heard it
once and.

*Everyone cracks up, except Nils*

Steve: Yeah, right! Like that old wrinkled geezer's gonna cut loose of a
gravy train like that!!

*Everyone is howling now. Everyone except Bruce, who's glaring at Steve*

Bruce: Hey, Mr. DJ.

Steve: You talkin' ta me?

Bruce: Yeah, I'm talkin' ta you.

Steve (laughing): Yeah? So what?? So I'm a DJ now. So sue me!

Bruce: You ain't helpin' matters by pushin' all them new garage band CDs on
your show.

Steve: C'mon, Boss. that's rock'n'roll.. that's why we're all here,
remember?? Somebody's gotta push the new guys.

Bruce: How you guys expect the fans ta keep up, huh? They ain't made'a
money, ya know. How ya's expect 'em to keep up with OUR stuff when ya's are
hittin' 'em from all sides with YOUR stuff?

Soozie: C'mon, Boss. all the fans have already bought your new record.

Bruce (shooting a glare at Soozie): Yeah, and any day now they'll be havin'
ta buy your's, won't they?

*Soozie turns away quickly*

Bruce: Won't they??

Soozie (after a reluctant pause): Yeah, so?

Bruce: You clowns are sinkin' us here with all this stuff... losin' focus.

Steve: Hey. we ain't the one's releasing quote 'limited editions' unquote
along with the regular stuff. and then releasin' 'em AGAIN when they sell
out!

*There's a sudden tense silence in the room*

Clarence: Hit the deck! Stevie dissed the limited edition!! Boss is gonna
blow!!

*Clarence falls to the ground and covers his ears*

Bruce: Big Man. get up off the floor, huh? I ain't gonna go off on nobody. I
knew one'a ya's would call me on that. I'm cool with it. I'm cool with it.

Clarence (standing up and wiping his forehead): Damn, Stevie. you done gone
put the fear'a God into me there for a spell.

Steve: So what about it, Boss? What's with two-timin' the fans like that??

Bruce: See, Stevie. like, I shoulda just made more ta begin with. I thought
the damn thing was gonna sell like 'Tracks.' Who knew? I'm, like, the
cautious man, remember?. I just limited myself too much. That's why I called
it the limited edition.

*There's an awkward silence in the room*

Danny (nudging Steve): Ohhh, okay, it allll makes perfect sense now, Boss.

Bruce: Look, you guys. I ain't tryin' ta beat up on ya's. I think what I'm
REALLY tryin' ta say here is that I thought we was re-dedicated ta bein' US
right now. ta just bein' The E Street Band right now, ya see? Guess I'm just
a little uncomfortable with all the solo stuff right now. Guess I'm just a
little too possesive of you guys.

Patti: But, baby, we ARE re-dedicated. more than ever. You're just getting
stressed. You're letting the little things get to you.

Bruce (after a reluctant pause): Yeah. yeah. I know. I know. Tell ya's what.
Let's have a big group hug. C'mon, everybody. a big group hug. right now.
just for me.

Clarence: You serious, Boss? A group hug?

Bruce: Yeah. I'm serious. I'm serious. I need a big group hug... from my
re-dedicated, re-invigorated, re-comboobulated E Street Band.

Steve: You ain't gettin' all girly on us, are you, my man?

Patti (glancing around at everyone): Sure, baby. sure. if that's what you
need. c'mon, everyone. let's spread the love around.. NOW, dammit.

The End